Feeling Better, But Not Really

I went to see Overreactive Doctor, who said I had a small ear infection, maybe, and WE SHOULD TRY ANTIBIOTICS RIGHT NOW!

Ah… no, not yet. I’m out of breath, we’ve determined it’s neither bronchitis nor pneumonia, and maybe we should wait.

So we wait for Monday, or sommat. I’m still sick and mostly the problem is that I’m out of breath almost all the time. If I could be constantly hooked to my inhaler I would. They gave me a nebulizer treatment at the clinic, and it helped a lot (and even restored color to my cheeks, apparently), and it has helped a lot. It’ll probably go away later this evening.

In the meantime I’m thinking about either sleep or work. Probably sleep first, then work. Or it might be sleep all evening. Only my body knows at this point.

I hope it’s happy I’ve seen the doctor and we’re not dying.

Scary Dreams: Sometimes You Wonder If Your Body is Trying to Tell You Something

They say that sometimes dreams are the body’s way of communicating with you that something serious is wrong with it. I don’t know if this is really the case or not; “they” know a lot of things, and not all of them make sense or are even true.

Anyways, my dream was only scary towards the end and not because of my parents. I remember fragments, but a lot more than I usually do. For instance:

  • I remember trying to buy this game ((Tom Vassel does awesome board game reviews. He’s reviewing Heroscape in a 5 part series right now. I so love that game.)) and all its only-imaginary-for-now expansions, only it had changed to also involve tile-laying and a big plastic dragon at the villain side of the board, for the shizzle.

  • Somehow this lead to a restaurant I tried buying food from… either in another dream or from something I remember during my flight from some of the Nothing in the Midwest, a lot of which felt like a dream all by itself. It was a rather strange restaurant, one of those places where you get the food from a half-door “counter”.

  • Somehow this led to me working at a sort of hospital for older people, or rather, people who are sick but considered “older” so they ended up there. Probably something to do with HCR going on right now, the gods only know why. Also, I was very concerned with how to store the many, many new plastic pieces from the above game (I decided on color, by the way, in special zip-pocketed clear plastic album pages).

  • The guy I was assigned to, I think, resembled a sort of amalgam of all the looks-like-40 faces of people I’ve seen and, for some reason, I keep thinking that’s mostly from author jackets as well, you know, where you can see the picture of the author in the back and it usually doesn’t look like him right now. He was nice, but frustrated.

  • He got a really, really crappy touchscreen computer assigned to him. I think it was just standard procedure in possibly The Future, everyone gets an iPad-like device, even if it sux0rs and has a really ancient Mac OS installed on it. I searched the Interwebs for instructions on how to install Linux on it, to make it somewhat better, if we possibly could. He politely turned this down at the end.

  • Then I got sick. Really, really sick. Blackout (in a freaking dream) kind of sick. I ended up in the same hospital of minor, kind of negligent care, because… because… I don’t know… I might have lot my job in the dream, I didn’t remember having a job. The guy I had been taking care of visited me once during this delirium-within-a-dream, and I was horrified because he was out of bed and shouldn’t be.

Then I woke up, and as short enough of breath to be really scary. I do get asthma from colds and flu, but usually not that badly. Or has it been that badly? Anyways, I took some stuff from my inhaler and am okayish now, but standard procedure for me is to go see the doctor in case either bronchitis or pneumonia have taken up residence.

I was really quite scared I was dying for a few minutes after I woke up. It doesn’t help that I’ve been having a lot of trouble swallowing pills for my nightly medication. I’m going to be seeing the doctor this afternoon.

I’m fortunately not completely disabled, and damn it if this stupid thing is going to keep me in bed and away from work (though I am working from home). I hate being sick so much. It breaks a lot of my obligations and just…. oh, I hate it.

Anyways, I’ll see what the doctor says. My regular doctor isn’t in today, so I’ll be seeing one of the other doctors. I skipped over seeing the nasty one and went with the nice but yet overreactive one. I hope she doesn’t overreact too much, but I really don’t want to see the nasty one, who usually thinks I’m making up my symptoms. I am not completely sure how one makes up a constricted throat like I had last year, but that was her opinion, and maybe there’s something in that, because surely a doctor wouldn’t be really dismissive.

Or maybe they would. Or maybe they aren’t, and I’m really making everything up in my head. I’m pretty sure the last part is not true, but I’m not completely sure.

It’s hard to think sometimes about certain things, because I remember having had to believe some quite incredible things to survive a time with my mostly illogical father. As a result, the true relation of cause and effect in life outside of my job (programming, system administration) is at times only coincidental, and what people say cause and effect is takes precedence, even if it’s technically messed up and even if I know it is.

Gods I’m messed up.

funny pictures of cats with captions

And I don’t see my bartender for a while. He has a lot of cases to work with, most of them in jobs like mine.