My PTSD is getting to the point (as we approach That First Sunday in May, argh) where I’ve lost some more of my sanity (SAN) and have started up an RPG-style dialog on Tumblr, with an imaginary GM that’s either my PTSD or some other part of my twisted imagination. For some reason it seems to help, writing down my various episodes or semi-episodes with an externalized antagonist.
It’s a strange, strange Tumblr. Think of the worst GM you’ve ever had, and then let him have access to your most internal thoughts and feelings. That’s my GM in Life is Like a Bad RPG.
Life is Like a Bad RPG helped me recall my notes on what happens to me during holidays, and why it would be a bad reason to take on any oncall, no matter how guilty I may feel or how much reputation I may lose. Of course, I’m noticing that I’m on the rollercoaster towards an actual PTSD episode much sooner than I was for That Fucking Day in June, argh, but as that’s when I started taking notes, I don’t remember what my… you know, that day… what it’s been like in the past. I literally do not remember this chunk of time; it’s like my brain blanks out for a week before and a week after.
Last year, That Fucking Day in June actually caused a delayed PTSD episode. This time it seems like the PTSD episode will start on The First Sunday in May.
More on last year, apparently:
Anyways… I think my Tumblr blog tracking the imaginary RPG dialog is funnier than my PTSD musings and rants here. It’s weird writing it, actually; my S∂ posts on PTSD and being a survivor of abuse (sometimes they overlap) are at least partly analyzed. But they feel clumsier than the almost entirely impromptu entries on Life is Like a Bad RPG.
Why did I pick a Tumblr blog in the first place, instead of making it easier on everybody and adding entries here? Well, it’s because the Tumblr iPhone app is more stable than the WordPress iPhone app. The WordPress app loses my posts so often when I try saving that I want to throttle it, whereas the Tumblr app simply only saves the current draft, but it does so reliably, even on auto-save. And since I wanted this blog to be something I could just add to while on the go, that ruled out WordPress.
- Life is Like a Bad RPG
- RSS Feed
- First post of this week. I’ll probably add a new First Post of the Previous Week link every Friday.
I’m not totally sure if Life is Like a Bad RPG will entertain you or depress you. Thus far it seems to entertain on Twitter, although, as @ertchin comments, “I wanted to tell you that I am . . . “enjoying” seems the wrong word . . . appreciating your Tumblr blog.” Which sums it up perfectly.