It was the year of fire…
The year of destruction…
The year we took back what was ours.
It was the year of rebirth…
The year of great sadness…
The year of pain…
And the year of joy.
It was a new age.
It was the end of history.
It was the year everything changed.
— Babylon 5 Season 4 introduction
You know, it’s really quite strange to think about my life in terms of Babylon 5 seasons. My life has been a dramatic one, but that doesn’t mean it was a good one. ((I think… some people wish they had lived lives like mine, for the authentic experience of extreme pain and suffering and the contrast with normal life thereof. These people should not speak of those wishes to me.))
Anyways, change started back in what might be considered Season 3, which I tend to think of as the previous decade (rather than just one year, a definite difference from Babylon 5). There was a point when I said, “it can only get better from here on out,” and really, it kind of got worse, but nowhere near as bad as the time I map to “The Great War.”
It’s getting better again, but in large part because I changed the nature of S∂. It still serves as a home away from my head of thoughts about Fantasy and Science Fiction, and my Kindle, but, like Babylon 5, it’s switched to a new role (although it doesn’t get guns, you can actually trace the change almost back to when my theme switched over to a long-term, no-fuss theme).
And that role is mostly as a journal for recovering from PTSD. Or, more to the point, a journal where I write down about my experiences in the present, i.e. the flashbacks and other crap. Otherwise, I’d continue in my cycle of coping previously, which didn’t really work—which was to constantly forget what happened to me every single year. As life goes in cycles, and especially since my PTSD is triggered by holidays, that really doesn’t lead to healing.
The path to healing requires learning. Learning requires memory. Memory induces, in my experience, mostly pain. Which is why I strive to forget, and why S∂ now serves as a refugee camp for my experiences. I can look back at previous years (well, a previous year back, almost; “Season 4” more or less started with 2009’s Father’s Day) and see what happened and try to apply coping strategies.
Heck, I can look at what happens when I try different coping strategies, instead of being scared of coping strategies turning into triggers. I’ll remember when they do. (I should also start making notes about restaurants that get new management and go to hell, but that’s different.)
Anyways, I blog about the Overherd on a somewhat daily basis now. They may or may not become a focus point for recovery. My other interests are Sherlock Holmes (which I need to update more often, but recovery has made it difficult to allocate time to that blog, which mostly involves a deep form of analysis) and tea, which doesn’t require deep analysis but instead a broader spectrum of light, daily enjoyment.
Anything FSF will likely go on Tor.com.
So, hi there. You can probably unregister Spontaneous ∂erivation as a proper FSF or SFF blog now.
PS: The FSF parts left can be considered the Tor.com post announcements, stuff about Echo Bazaar, and my Mushi-shi rewatch.