Twentieth commit log so far!

Three good things:

1. Finished Jim C. Hines’ Libriomancer. Like the first book in his Princess series, he starts off slow, but as things gather speed and he finds his footing it gets much better. I ended up quite liking the book—which is also one of the first times I’ve seen the name-dropping of other books do some actual good in the story—and looking forwards to the next in the series.

2. The extended edition of Mark Reads Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix is now available! I was wondering lately what I could read for comfort reading, and this particular series is the perfect answer.

3. I pulled through at work, even though a background thread in my head kept wanting to keel over screaming. I got better as the weather cooled off. I think there might be something complex related to heat and feeling isolated going on in my head….

Things I like about myself: um. I like boardgames? I have a Nexus 7 and it’s pretty rocking? I have over 1500 posts in my blog? I’m reaching, I know. I don’t like the other aspects of me that I’ve covered in the past; they feel empty and meaningless; they’re all what other people would find valuable about me, leaving nothing for myself. Which is not surprising, as I thrive off what others think of me, like a self-checking system where I don’t trust what I think about my own self. I know not trusting myself is a pattern.

What can I do to get me to trust me? :( It all ties into liking myself, I’m sure of it. I have to find my own reasons, which is why I’ve got this exercise of things-I-like-about-myself in my commit logs, no matter how often I fail it.

Hmm. Now that I think about it, here’s one thing I can think of that I think is good of me: I don’t throw other people under the bus. Maybe I should start applying that principle to myself.

Self-improvement: I will stop acting like a dependent child. I’m going to break down what that means tomorrow. And probably over the next several days.