Now I Know: It’s a Good Life If You Don’t Weaken


Photography: ldcross

For Outpost Mâvarin’s Weekend assignment #204: My Favorite Year.

To tell the truth, I’ve had a hard time answering the the assignments for the past few weeks. For better or worse, I end up thinking back to times in my life that other people would call dark. Very, very dark. There’s a reason I’m a here-and-now kind of person: after 20 years of hell, every year of my life has simply been getting better.

Or another way of putting it: my favorite year is the one now, even far before it’s finished, because it is furthest away, in every sense of the word, from those two decades of pain.

Of my years, the ones that I would actually think about letting another human being live, there are about … five “good” years, relatively speaking, not counting 2008, in which case there’d be six. And they are mostly not good years in the way that people typically think of it; they are simply… years.

I’ve had one year in my life that might be considered all-around good. It was 2007, when I managed to put enough together to buy a house, and the PTSD was on hold for most of the year and thus “good” and “bad” did not wash each other out.

2007 built itself upon passable years, which is why I expect 2008 to be better. And 2009 to be even better than that. And so on.

Sometimes, the center holds.

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11 thoughts on “Now I Know: It’s a Good Life If You Don’t Weaken

  1. Hi Caryn, thanks for the well wishes. Many good wishes to your coming years also.

    I didn’t want to make this post (and actually pulled it briefly before realizing it had already pinged, um, everywhere, which made me put it back up).

    But it was a way of trying to lay some issues to rest so I can do the weekend assignments again.

  2. I’ve actually been a here-and-now person all my life, not that I’ve had anything particularly hard about my past to keep me from dwelling in it. A few nasty bumps, but mostly ok years.

    I have a general sense of something pretty exciting happening in the future, but no concrete reason to believe so. Hope is a wonderful thing. Anyway, I too wish you many improving years.

    On a side note, I’ve seen several Miyazaki films (most recently Porco Rosso) and plan to do some more exploring via NetFlix.

  3. How funny–I’ve done exactly the same thing. I’ll work on a post, finally put it up, and then return later to take it down because I’m convinced that it’s horrible–only to realize that it’s already been pinged everywhere.

  4. Francis, good wishes to you, too. In fact, good wishes to everyone!

    Miyazaki is a wonderful storyteller, isn’t he? I never quite realized it until just now, for some reason. Now I have an excuse to go watch his stuff again. *rubs hands* Even Sherlock Hound.

    I find the Nausicaa.net’s Hayao Miyazaki Web a most useful resource.

    Caryn—yeah, I had to laugh at myself too. Pinging is quite, quite efficient these days!

  5. Yay, Auria!

    Mine is a bit sparsely furnished, but otherwise fairly cozy. A friend of mine helped me shop for things, and hopefully come this summer we’ll go shopping again and fill out the rest. :)

  6. I’m glad you’ve decided to join us again. I feel the same way. I’ll take the center any day.
    BTW, Hayao Miyazaki rocks! Looking forward to your next “assignment” post.

  7. Yay, another Miyazaki fan! (There are such a lot of us, heh.)

    My next assignment post should be up soon.

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