Well, It’s Rather a Hard Thing to Do Anyways

It occurred to me that someone might look in askance at why I wrote, a couple months ago, an article at Tor.com about race, gender, and anthologies.

I’m aware (painfully, in one specific case) that some people would like to slap me in the face for having written that.

I knew it would cause trouble. I was afraid to write about it, and that I did is… rather not my usual mode of operation.

I try to avoid trouble.

It is… very, very hard to write about this stuff. It’s unspeakably hard. Because when you write about stuff like that from that perspective, some part of your mind has to clear with itself: “your gender/your race/your orientation is not in as good a place as it could be. In effect, you are not as worthy as you could have been had you had the decency to be born someway else.”

Breaking that illusion to oneself is like swallowing poison.

I can’t see anyone writing that kind of thing and meaning it, then using it as a power/influence play.

And yes, it’s all I have to say in the matter anymore. Someone wanted me to shut up….

… And I am shutting up, because my heart hurts too much to confront this directly anymore.

ETA: Someone asked if this is in response to John Ottinger’s post. Partly it is, but it is in large part due to some major harassment I got from another figure, as in “legal departments had to be consulted” major.

ETA 2: John Ottinger apologized. The other one probably never will.