First, the Overcow must have been fighting demons.
At 3am I woke up to find her not in my arms. In fact, not on the bed anywhere. I cast Light with the JesusPhone ((i.e., an iPhone that happened to be running the goodNite nightlight program, which has a bright light locking-off mode. Thank you for “JesusPhone,” Mr. Stross.)), and discovered Overcow on the floor about two feet away from the door. I have no idea how she got there.
(I’ll note that I have bad associations with the side of my bed nearest the door. Any side of the bed near the door. After all, it was through bedroom doors that the monster who called himself my father raged through on random, but frequent, nights.)
I picked her back up and cuddled her along with Ike. I was sure that I’d have horrible nightmares. Instead, my only “nightmare” was about a Twitter flamewar. So, not really traumatic.
But the GM of life wasn’t finished with me, because I almost immediately failed a PTSD check. It triggered at level 1, which lets me get through the day on crippled brainpower. (And lowers my number of spoons by 25%, I’m sure.)
I’m also oncall this week. Joy.
But the Overherd does allow me to remember I’m in the present. So it’s currently just the feelings that are coming back, not the visual memories. Which is still bad; it’s like being in a film with the background music constantly signaling that something horror-like is going to happen, even though it’s a Lifetime movie. It’s just not as bad as it could be.
The morning shower also turned out not to be a living hell, like it usually is. That’s because I was thinking about how to blog about the Overherd. I do it everyday because often it’s enjoyable, but sometimes it’s a tangle, like this morning.
(Oh fuck. Where is Ike? I’m on the ferry… oh, there he is. *hugs Ike*)
Anyways, I’m seeing my bartender today. I might have canceled due to oncall… but that would obviously be a bad thing right now.
I also wondered in the shower about why the PTSD hit in the morning, and then realized: oh crap. This is a run-up towards July 4th, isn’t it?
It’s going to be a long week. The Overherd can only do so much; but they do help. (As does the increased amount of Buspar the
wizard candyman gave me.)
At some point I may blog on the tea blog about Buspar versus my love affair with Earl Grey. Bergamot and medication that interacts badly with grapefruit don’t go well together.