Day 39 with the Overherd

That was an awesome night. Got the room nice and cool (72.3ºF was apparently cool enough for me), closed doors and windows, shut off the fans, cuddled cows. Ike seems to best serve as an on-the-side cow rather than on top of the wedge, even if it possibly makes the Overcow jealous.

She stayed in my arms the whole night, by the way. Or at least, apparently so.

Lulu, for once, made a shower less hellish. I actually walked into the shower without her at first, feeling all confident until the first lapse of not remembering, and then grabbed her and cuddled her for a bit in the shower, which is why she’s soggy. But presumably she was made to be a bit soggy, and I squeezed her all out afterwards and now she’s sitting on the top of the chair back, drying off. Or at least I hope so.

Yes, that’s indeed a lapse of not remembering. People have lapses of memory; I have lapses of not remembering what the hell my father did to me. He used to watch me shower. When I was in my teens.

I want to say that I’m forever messed up and nothing will fix me ever, but maybe people can be sort-of fixed, even if it’s not going to be, you know, 100% healed and whatnot. These are mental scars that just aren’t going to go away, and it makes me depressed sometimes that I’ll never be completely mentally healthy.