Last night was an odd night.
Yesterday I was doing very well. For some reason I had more mental spoons than usual, and was much more useful at work than I had been for some time. Actually, it felt as though I hadn’t been this useful in ages (probably not since before MotherLESS Day).
But work is a crutch, in many senses, for me. By the time I was on the ferry, I was already cuddling Ike and trying not to worry too much. By the time I was making dinner, I’d spiraled into the same miasma that’s occupied me for the last several weeks, complete with a few memories that tugged beneath the tarp. I felt ill with anxiety, which is frustrating at best and, well, sickening at worst.
Bedtime was strange, though. I knew I was exhausted (it being a productive day, I put more of myself in than I would do even if I were running at full tilt, because who knows when next I’ll be useful; I didn’t get home until past 9pm), but apparently I was exhausted enough that almost directly after an Ambien I got really sleepy, which almost never happens (it often takes half an hour, it doesn’t often take two minutes).
I also felt like throwing up, so I took some pepto bismol and went to sleep almost directly after that. I had arranged Cozy Cow, the Overcow, and Ike on the window side, with Large Round Cow and the chair back pushed over on the door side enough so that I could easily reach the puke bucket. I was reading my Kindle ((Onto which I had downloaded TVTropes’ A Song of Ice and Fire page and the character sheet, although I forgot to pick up the Crowning Moments.)), with Large Round Cow snuggled by (really, you could sit a foot away from LRC and still be snuggled gently by her). The next thing I knew I’d woken up after strange dreams, Kindle still in hand.
Anyways, the dreams, which I imagine LRC is currently munching on for breakfast, because it’s starting to fade away, was about food wank over takokimi prepared in the microwave. You aren’t supposed to do that, I suppose; takokimi is a one-ricepot meal, wherein you throw rice, some mirin and water, small pieces of vegetables and cooked meat like ham or chicken, into a ricepot and hit Cook. Trying to do this in the microwave almost always results in a mess, because carbs in water foam like whoah. Needless to say, takokimi was something of a staple for me during the Years of Zorn and Tharn, but only towards the end.
It wasn’t traumatizing at all, it was hilarious. If it was real, Fandom Wank would have picked up the ball and run with it. Although it was all in person, rather than over the Internet, and instead of a forum it was a location not unakin to those in Iron Chef and the like. And yes, there was a troll. I don’t remember what he did, because the cows have eaten that part of the dream. Probably for the better.
If only my dreams were this light every night.
Now I will go cuddle the Overcow while I make breakfast. (Yesterday I totally resisted the siren call of eating a large dinner in my despair. Because when I’m in my despair, the large dinner will only make me feel better temporarily, and then my body will eject it a couple hours later into the puke bucket. Not that my body didn’t try this anyways, sigh.)