Looking Back on Years Past: PTSD Perspective

… damn, I found a lot of ways in previous years to pretend I didn’t have it. Last year, for instance, I distracted myself with programming, because I’d discovered the world of ebooks and the making thereof and I’d gotten myself my first Kindle. I even found ways to keep being functional and wrote book reviews during this time period. I even read EVERYTHING for the Hugo awards and researched author backgrounds and stuff.

It’s funny, I actually didn’t sleep very much during this time. I’m getting old.

During past periods, I’d either not yet started up a blog, or I was busy being Dory to my friend’s Marlin and never let the side down, sort of thing.

Of all the posts I wrote during this period last year, I only let my guard down a few times on the blog, in the first couple posts of Dancing with Psychologists. My friend had already left for another company several months since, and I started to break down more and more. I guess support networks matter lots.

‘Course, my Stepford Smiler face started going off the rails when I made an enemy of an author who then actually came after me during my trigger period, and the Macmillan legal department had to step in, and it’s probably in SFWA records and probably I’ll never ever join them simply because of this incident but I’d have to actually write enough stuff first which probably means dealing with worst of the PTSD first so what the hell it doesn’t matter, but anyways.

Not really that author’s fault, all this. I was starting to let my guard down more and more, particularly as Dancing with Psychologists became a somewhat regular feature. I didn’t intend it to be, but I was in a bit too much pain. Still am. They sure didn’t help, though.

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