It’s been strange to wake up from dreams I wouldn’t mind staying in. And so soon after one o my trigger days.
I still feel very apprehensive, because I know that what’s happening is that I’m just succeeding at my PTSD checks more often, and that a fall is due soon, likely later today—if only because I’ve forgotten the morning medication that cuts down on ambient fear, as well as just the nature of my PTSD.
For now I feel very confident. And very scared, but not in the usual way.
I’m also scared that I won’t be able to find an oncall swap for another trigger day, the Fourth of July, or Independence Day as it’s called in the states.
I wasn’t doing a daily update during that time, but the 4th and the 5th were bad days. The nightmares while I was asleep were the least of it, and not an insignificant least at that.
Yeah. I’m scared of that.
We’re not there yet, of course.
Ike is with me right now. We’re on our way to work. Hopefully I don’t melt down and I counted up my spoons right.