It’s really weird. Yesterday was pretty bad, especially in the want-to-kill-myself and work-hates-me departments, FatherLessDay is still pretty recent, July 4th is coming to eat me, and yet I still didn’t have bad dreams.
The Overherd is amazing.
This morning I woke up okay, but I still want to kill myself. I’m trying to decide which of the following will result in more intense suicidal tendencies:
- Take a possibly PTSD-triggering holiday oncall.
- Degrade my reputation at work in asking for too many oncall swaps, especially with a long holiday.
Personally I think my odds are better with the first option. For July 4th weekend, I have no backup, so if I off myself early into the oncall, I’m pretty sure something will go into critical failure without an oncall to take care of it.
I don’t care very much about myself. But I do care about the system and customers. There’s more motivation to hang on, you see.