Cutscenes Are Annoying

Today was an excellent session with my bartender. I told him about the Abilify and the wobbling but lack of rollercoasting.

And about how the Abilify short-circuits intrusive memories. I explained it as like being in a video game, where at certain points a cutscene can occur that takes away all control from the player in favor of a cinematic clip. For me, intrusive memories are like unavoidable cutscenes.

But the Abilify stops the cutscenes nearly the moment they happen, as if a hack had been installed, and all control remains with me. I’m not inexorably pulled into that branch of the game, where the PTSD bosses await. I can instead go fishing at the Watering Hole.

This is an enormous change for me, further illustrated by my lack of complete emotional breakdown when talking about something my father had done to me. It wasn’t molestation exactly. It’s just not okay to treat your daughter as a girlie show in the shower, and then beat her afterwards for being a girl and not a boy. That’s why I was absolutely terrified of them before the Abilify, and am still disgusted after the Abilify.

Also before the Abilify, I wouldn’t have been able to relate all that to the bartender without breaking down into sobs and clutching Ike hard enough to smoosh his stuffing.

Going back to showers, I may need to start using performed bath things as aromatherapy to make the shower experience even more different than what my father turned it into. I don’t have experience in this area O.o as my father considered such things sinful luxuries.

So if you have a recommendation for brands and scents for the shower, please feel free to comment.

Anyways, I still have PTSD, but it’s far less likely to be triggered by the bipolar. Which may ultimately end up saving me up until maybe Thanksgiving, when the triggers are less my memories and more everything around me.

But in large part, this is going to be a good regen. Now if only it would last.

7 thoughts on “Cutscenes Are Annoying

  1. I’ve had lots of luck with little independent local soap makers, both here and in other places. They’re usually better than commercial soap products about smelling natural rather than chemical (I realize this is a sort of arbitrary distinction, but smelling better, anyway), and being explicit about what oils and such they’re using in things. The specific selections vary a lot, but I’ve used Luna Bug‘s soaps before and been pretty happy with them. It has been a few years, admittedly, but they were good back then!

  2. looking for local soap makers with good websites, i’d recommend trying seattle hill soaps (floating cupcake soap!) or seattle sundries (more expensive but comes in a tin), or seattle rainwater soap (available in person at pike place market). and of course there’s always lush.
    (adding links tripped your spam filter, but these are all easily googleable.)

  3. I’ve always loved Bath & Body Works, despite the fact that they’re (according to my massage therapist and chiropractor (among others)) not supposed to be all that good for me. They have lots of scents, but the Eucalyptus Spearmint is the reason I keep going back. I also love the Vanilla Noir, which they recently stopped selling.

  4. Lush is good quality soaps, and have an extensive range of bath and shower things. Things to look for in good soaps are essential oils, one, and no non-soap chemical additives, two. Local soap crafters will most likely be way ahead of me on this. Essential oils produce, not actually stronger, but more robust, scents. If you’re looking for aromatherapy, you will likely be better served with soaps that use them rather than cheaper perfumes.

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