PTSD: “Nothing’s the same anymore.”

Many things can happen in one year.

The roots of 2001 were already over two decades old.

In 2001, I tried to put a sane space between myself and my abusive (physically, verbally, emotionally) father as well as my beyond-belief enabling mother.

In 2001, my mother tried to guilt-trip me into living the rest of my life with them by trying to starve herself to death.

In 2001, my father tried to get me arrested on false claims of burglary.

In 2001, my parents got tired of playing “nice” and sent a death threat instead.

In 2001, they tried to follow through with it for the first time, but my friends had gotten me out of the way.

In 2001, I ran out of emergency money trying to get a restraining order against my parents.

In 2001, I discovered that a close friend had passed information to my parents about my daily routines, friends, activities, and finally contact information.

In 2001, my parents tried to kill me a second time.

On the morning of 9/11/2001, I started the process of changing my identity, starting with my name.

When I walked down to the lobby afterwards, the second plane was flying in on the big-screen TV.

I cannot tell you how much pain today is bringing. It’s driving me crazy even with all my medication on. I shake all over and I failed my PTSD check. Fortunately–for now–my PTSD remains at level 1, but this status ailment has a constant damage tick so things could get worse.

We’ll see how things fare. If my gift of gab is able to distract me today, expect Tea, Lonely Gamer, and Spiral Knights posts. If not, well, me and the Overherd will think of something.

I didn’t want this to happen. I stayed in denial land as long as I could, but everything collapsed.

4 thoughts on “PTSD: “Nothing’s the same anymore.”

  1. Sorry things are so rough again. Noting from here that you’re doing well to be hanging on to level 1, and verbal about it as well.

    Raising a cup of tea in your direction, as a salute. Having been along your path even partway, I recognize what it takes to maintain.

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