I think I may have scheduled this break to be too short. Or was it too long?
I don’t know. Either way, it was really just a vacation in the end. I grappled with things, visited the bartender, came to realizations, read and reviewed more books than I have in the past several months, cooked some things for the very first time (today: Tom Kha Gai soup, admittedly from a soup base, but still).
Tomorrow is work again. I feel almost relieved, even though I know the first thing I’ll have to do is clamber through 6000 emails. For reals.
And I thought about this series. It was nice to have a little routine of writing about my day and all that. The aims weren’t necessarily followed, so it ended up being more of a check in than anything else, but… I could use something like that. Maybe. Although most of my day logs would end up being “Woke early. Went to work when it was dark. Ate terrible things. Went home when it was dark. Might have eaten something. Sleeping, or have pager and not sleeping.” When I look at it that way, there’s probably no wonder I’m having problems.
But there has to be a space where I’m doing things I want to do. Somehow, somewhere, somewhen. Otherwise I’m not going to be able to survive. There are rough times ahead, because the holidays are just one long trigger fest for me.
Maybe what will help is remembering all the things I’ve done that weren’t the job. I forget a lot, so this needs to be journal’d.
The future is uncertain, but it’s also an open road.