Commit log #18

Three good things:

1. I woke up early and took a nice walk around town. Sunny and pleasant. I visited the farmer’s market and got to see what it was like before everything was swooped down upon by voracious islanders.

2. I cleaned off the couch and found a nice way to settle in to watch movies on my laptop, as well as to read while listening to soothing sounds from iPhone, laptop, or even from the Nexus itself.

3. Read more great stories, this time from Lightspeed Magazine: The Bookmaking Habits of Select Species by Ken Liu (what it says on the tin; reminds me of Ted Chiang’s ideas and style); “Love Might Be Too Stron a Word” by Charlie Jane Anders (romance in a non-gender-binary future); “Flash Bang Remember” by Tina Connolly and Caroline M. Yoachim (growing up as the mental well-adjusted template for a generational spaceship).

Things I like about myself: I can’t think of one, apart from that I’m possibly not a horrible human being, but I’m not certain about that. I can’t even say that I’m not my father, because I take after him too much. At least I don’t beat other people up? That seems to be a rather low bar.

Life thingies:

  • I must think through things logically, not just for decisions about life, but also how I interpret works. Stop being a knee-jerk idiot about issues that strike close to me, like portrayals of PTSD or even lack thereof, which I tend to hold up to harsh mirrors.

  • I really ought to have a better and stronger ego that it does not get crushed by being exposed to an imperfection of mine. ‘Cause gods know I am imperfect as hell.

  • I really ought to stop wanting to punish myself whenever an imperfection of mine is exposed. It’s that perfect-or-punishment attitude from my father; it’s tiring and does nothing productive, including not improving myself because I concentrate on the fault, rather than how to improve away from it.

2 thoughts on “Commit log #18”

  1. re (3). The variety and multiplicity of SF stories is a source of great joy. When rocks were soft, I waited for my F&SF magazine to arrive, and attempted to ration it out (never worked). Thanks to this rec and others from around the ‘sphere, one can gobble down lit almost on demand.

    re three things I find myself wanting to argue with you, and that’s not the point. I will just say that I have more success when I frame my goals positively, which usually requires me to name the way out. I’ve had my share of knee-jerk idiocy — who doesn’t? — but I also think that my examination and deconstruction of normate bigotry has helped others. Your examination of PTSD has helped me understand a frame of mind so often deployed as “hurt/comfort cliche.” I’m guessing that it’s not always as coherent and instructive in your head as your essays on PTSD, but that’s the inevitable path from living personal experience to documenting it.

    Best wishes. — Jesse the K — jesse_the_k@pobox.com

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