I just spent three days at a work retreat at a pretty nice resort, although we were worked so hard producing and arguing and developing new ideas for the company that we didn’t get to enjoy any of the facilities. I was reminded of how cool the company can be; the good parts, kind of like looking at the good parts of Javascript (of which there are actually plenty, oddly enough). As an extrovert, I’m charged by the presence of people, and there is nothing so dizzingly charging as that of some 160 other people all around.

I networked, and got in touch with other women engineers; we’re going to be setting up what will hopefully turn into semi-regular gaming nights, starting the day I start at my new position. I’m excited.

However, now that the retreat has ended, and I’m back by myself, I’m depressed and saddened, sometimes because I’m reminded that I need to face my current position on Monday and that I still have work to do this weekend; sometimes seemingly for no reason at all. I’ve been disappearing into Tamora Pierce’s books (in particular, First Test, Page, Squire, and soon, Lady Knight; actually my first venture into any of her worlds), but I can only do that for so much.

I’m on the edge of crying. My current team’s situation is pretty bad, and I’m not sure my manager truly recognizes that. And I have to think again about how I’m going to exactly phrase my feedback for him in such a way that he might actually listen to it. I honestly don’t know what’s going to happen at this point, because upper management seems to have noticed that something is awry. (Well, they probably should, given that by the end of this month, three people will have left within less than 30 days of each other.)

Supposedly as soon as I’m out of this situation I’ll feel better. I’ve felt like this for so long that such a future reaction is difficult to believe.